Sunday, November 30, 2008

There is no giving thanks in comics.

I thought finding some mention of Thanksgiving in comics would be easy and would make for a good blog post for the long holiday weekend. Then I started to dig through my boxes, looking for something that I could write about, and I realized that this search would be harder than I thought. Oh, I assure you I will have plenty to write about when Christmas comes around. The "Big Two" put out X-Mas books every year and every year those issues inevitably find their way into the quarter bin by January. When it comes to Thanksgiving though, there is very little comic book representation. Google couldn't even help me find something. It has to be pretty bad if Google can't find anything. Therefore, I have decided to give you all a special treat. I present to you Godzilla Vs. Barkley.

If you were to list the greatest battles in comics, you may say Batman versus Superman or Spider-Man versus the Green Goblin. I have seen the light though, and now I know that those answers are flat out wrong. There will never be a more epic, mind blowing confrontation than that of the battle that was waged between the king of the monsters, Godzilla, and the king of the hardwood, Charles Barkley. The obvious response to this is "but Charles Barkley is a mere could he stop Godzilla?" That is where the magical silver dollar comes in. I concede that a regular-sized Charles Barkley might have some difficulty defeating Godzilla, but when armed with the magical silver dollar given to him by his "biggest fan," I know I would sleep soundly knowing that Godzilla had met its match.

I can already hear your next question. "So the silver dollar makes Sir Charles huge, but then what? Godzilla still has his fire breath and is almost impervious to any attack. What could Barkley do?" You're going to hit yourself when you see how obvious the answer is. You challenge Godzilla to a basketball game on an abandoned Air Force base of course! (And for some reason Bill Cosby, Jack Nicholson, Jimmy Carter, and Rush Limbaugh are there too to watch the game.) In the end, Barkley beats the 20,000 ton lizard and leaves it in a canyon to practice its layups. So if you are ever driving near a canyon near the California coast and you hear a giant monster shooting hoops, steer clear. It is probably still a little steamed that it lost to Charles.

In all seriousness though, this is the kinda comic book that I am always looking for when I dig through a quarter box. Obviously part of the Nike ad campaign of the early 90's, this book must have netted Dark Horse Comics some big bucks. That is the only explanation I could make for how something like this could ever make it to print. Godzilla Vs. Barkley should never have been made, but it was and therefore I must read it. Yes it is a complete case of fascination of the abomination, but I can't help it.


gfanrick said...

Ahem. Not to be a killjoy, but this comic was released in the 1990's, which was part of the Japanese Heisei era. During this period, Godzilla weighed an approximate 60,000 tons.
Also, Godzilla has never had "fire breath", a common misconception. The weaponized beam that comes from his gaping maw is nuclear, in fact, with concussive and explosive properties that has been shown to melt tanks and make entire buildings explode.
Lastly, the idea that Charles Barkley could hand Godzilla a basketball beat-down is laughable. Anyone who has watched Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla or Godzilla vs. Megalon knows that the combination of wrestling and Kung Fu moves Godzilla employs make him more than a match for the likes of Sir Charles.
That said, great post! It's awesome that you're giving the Big G's comics some love. I hope your Thanksgiving was awesome, that is, after you gave up on finding some Thanksgiving comics!

Mike said...

Sorry about the Godzilla inaccuracies. Admittedly, I am not the biggest fan of the big green guy but I do like him in his Nike shorts shooting hoops with Sir Charles.

gfanrick said...

See, there you go again. Godzilla is not green, but Charcoal Gray. Just watch one of the movies and you'll see for yourself. Or check out this info -

As much as I like giving you a hard time on this topic :)
I am eagerly awaiting the next post!

Matt said...

The only Thanksgiving comic I know of is one issue of "The Long Halloween" Batman series.

Mike said...

I thought of that but sadly everyone has read Long Halloween and I didn't really want to rehash it. The only other book I know that mentions Thanksgiving and that is JLA/JSA: Virtue and Vice where the JLA and JSA have Thanksgiving dinner together.

Oh and gfanrick, I saw that movie with Matthew Broderick, and Godzilla was most definitely green. That is the real Godzilla. (See, I can give you a hard time too.)

gfanrick said...

D'oh! Why you...! (shaking fist)