Saturday, October 9, 2010


Hey, guess who remembered he had a blog! Yep, this guy. :::pointing to myself::: All I can say is that over the previous summer, I kinda decided to keep my opinions and thoughts to myself. It is not like anyone really cares what I have to say, right?

Well, A lot of nerdy things have happened to me since the last time I posted anything. I bought a PS3 (my first Sony system ever and my first Blu-ray player), the wife and I now own iPhones, discovered one of the best TV shows ever (I will devote a full post to it later), and we left the United States for the first time. Those aren't the reasons I decided to get back on this here blog though. I want to talk about something important....Star Wars.

Just a few minutes ago, I finished watching Episode II. I haven't seen that movie in full since I saw in the theater eight years ago. I've seen some small bits and pieces on TV, but never start to finish since I saw it on the big screen. The only reason I watched it now is because I found it for $3.00 on clearance at the local Half Price Books. Of course, I know that every single one of my fellow nerds has their opinion of the prequel trilogy and the internet is where all those opinions are aired. I bring it up now to many years after it would be relevant because I think my opinion has actually mellowed a bit since seeing the movie originally. Basically, I now believe that Star Wars Episodes I - III suffer from just three small misjudgments that, if corrected, would have saved them all from the ire of many a man-child. Here they are.

1. Midichlorians
If you are reading this blog than odds are you know exactly what I am talking about. A small throwaway conversation between Qui-Gon and Anakin in The Phantom Menance ruined the mythology of all six films. The audience has already expected the Force as an idea. We get it. We didn't need any explanation for it and the explanation forced upon us (no pun intended) was horrible. It was three minutes that easily could have hit the cutting room floor and then would not have changed what we already excepted.

2. Hayden Christensen
Again, I know this has been talked about at length but it still astonishes me that throughout the casting process and filming, no one piped up and said "he's a little robotic." Anakin Skywalker is literally consumed by his emotions but we don't see any of them on the screen? We ALL know what is coming! Come on people! The whole point of these movies is to see why he turns to the Dark Side, and from Christensen's performance, we just don't see it.

3. The Jedi Council is pretty dumb.
It is prophesied that Anakin Skywalker would "bring balance to the Force." O...K...I would think that every member of the Jedi Council could count, at least on their hands and toes even though that would only be a total of twelve for Yoda. There are a whole slew of Jedi and only two Sith that they know about. Hmmmmm. That does sound out of balance to me but the Council never realizes that balancing it out means a ton of Jedi have to die? These are supposed to be the wisest beings in the galaxy! All they needed to do to fix this obvious continuity error is say that the prophesy was that Anakin's appearance would "foretell a balancing of the Force." That way the story of Anakin falling to the Dark Side can still occur and the Jedi Council don't look like a bunch of morons.

And with three small tweaks, we would get three fine movies. Now you may be asking why the hell I even care enough to bring this all up now. It is because I watch Cartoon Network's The Clone Wars. None of the problems I listed are even mentioned on the show and that is why I enjoy the program as much as I do. I almost think that The Clone Wars is somewhat of a "mea culpa" for what was wrong in the films. I don't know but that's my opinion, take it or leave it.

2 comments:

Matt Marquissee said...

I agree with your assessment, but I would have to add another misjudgment to the list: Visual Overload.

I wonder if George Lucas kept telling his design team to fill every millimeter of screen space with something, anything. Part of the reason why the original trilogy works is that it did a lot of story with less special effects. A lot was left to imagination. But Coruscant, Naboo, even the new Tatooine set that aside, and added hundreds of creatures, vehicles, and buildings. I remember coming out of Episode 2 with a headache.

That could be overlooked, but all the computer generated imagery makes the human characters look out of place. They look robotic. Clone Wars corrects the issue by going all cartoon. Mixing cartoon and real-life worked with Roger Rabbit, but not Star Wars. Is it just me bothered by the extra CG effects?

kate shea said...

The acting was atrocious and shit all around.

When Sam Jackson and Liam Neeson look like garbage, you know the writing and director suck.

The lead actors were repulsive, had zero chemistry, are horrible actors, etc, etc, etc.

Were you on drugs when you watched?